Car Gazing
Grim reaper coming for Isuzu
By Derek Price
There are few things more depressing in the automotive world than driving a new Isuzu.
Oh, I suppose wrecking your Ferrari might top it, or perhaps having to trade in your beloved sports car for a minivan – or even having to carpool with Richard Simmons. Those things would make you want to swallow the business end of a shotgun.
But sitting in an Isuzu today feels like sitting in a coffin at your own funeral. You can't tell whether what you're seeing is real or if it's some strange, Twilight-Zone story dreamed up by a googly-eyed kook in a mental hospital.
It's not that Isuzu builds bad vehicles. Isuzus today are better than they've ever been in the history of the company.
The problem is that Isuzu doesn't build any vehicles at all.
You may think that's preposterous because there are still Isuzu stores across America – indeed, I drove a 2007 Isuzu Ascender this past week – but in reality, Isuzu dealerships are nothing but a farce. They just sell General Motors vehicles with goofy names.
The Ascender is the same thing as a Chevrolet Trailblazer, and the Isuzu i-series pickup trucks are identical to Chevy Colorados. All Isuzu does is take vehicles from GM and slap a couple of funky badges on them.
And that's pathetic.
It wouldn't be so bad if Isuzu started its vehicles with a basic, GM-designed architecture and then customized it to be a true Isuzu. That's precisely what GM does with Saab, Ford does with Volvo, and on down the list.
New Isuzus, though, are nothing but plagiarism on wheels, and that's a remarkably stupid idea coming from what was once such a big, powerful, international company. It's hard to believe that someone, somewhere, thought they could buy a few mediocre but well-known Trailblazers, give them a totally unknown new name, and have the public clamoring to buy one with the Isuzu badge. That makes no sense.
To make matters worse, Isuzu has chosen to compete with The General's big-time advertising strategy that involves dumping mountains of cash on TV stations and newspapers across the country. Isuzu's marketing budget is hardly enough to buy a paperclip and a chewed piece of bubble gum.
In fact, driving that Ascender felt like driving mechanical death because it's so obvious that Isuzu is about to croak. There's no point in hiding it. The company has left life support and is quickly being wheeled to the morgue, where it will unceremoniously be pronounced dead and quickly buried beside Oldsmobile in the Scrap Metal Cemetery.
On a side note, the best part about driving the Ascender was making its CD player blast "Quartet for the End of Time," a piece written for half-broken instruments by a brilliant French composer during his stay in a Nazi prison camp. It was perfectly fitting.
So, if you want to buy a Trailblazer and save some cash, check out the Ascender. You could probably get a great deal on one.
Just don't be surprised when you read Isuzu's obituary.
(Derek Price is a newspaper editor and freelance writer living in Texas.
Contact him at dprice@cargazingonline.com)
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